My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
