its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
