Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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