Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
