The maid of honor just puked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
