There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
