I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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