My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
