i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
