I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
