Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
