woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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