Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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