I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
