there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
