My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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