i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
