i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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