My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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