Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
