Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
