Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
