can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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