so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
