i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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