did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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