i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
