"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
