My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
