girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
