im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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