I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
