I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
