If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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