I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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