she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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