I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
