Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
