can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
