and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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