Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
