i just wanna soil my oats bro
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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