the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
