Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am spending my child support on dildos
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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