dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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