either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
