And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
