last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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