Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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