OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
