his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
