its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
