Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
