Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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